weigh-in 7 and Body Image

Hi Everyone,

Happy Weekend!

It's so hard to believe the weekend is upon us again, the time is absolutely flying by it's crazy!!

This week I couldn't weigh-in I was sick in bed with a double ear infection and chest infection, I would of preferred to be going to weigh-in on Wednesday, I felt so crappy and all I wanted to do was sleep, food didn't even enter my mind (I knew I was very sick when I couldn't eat- not even toast persuaded me to eat- damn cold really had a hold of me!!)

So, this week I'm really conscious of not over-eating and losing the complete run of myself because usually that's what I tend to do after a dose of a flu or cold, self-pity takes over me and I think I "deserve to have nice things especially after being so sick" but not anymore!! 

I've turned over a new leaf and I want to make sure that it's one that's here to stay.

Over the last few weeks I've felt really low and not very optimistic about losing the weight, I've cried, I've ate, I thought about food almost constantly and not the good types of food like apples, oranges and pears oh no I've had cravings for cakes, chocolate and crisps (I don't even like crisps but still craved them WTF!!),  I've had sleepless nights and I've cursed myself several time for ending up the way I have.. 

I basically just came to the conclusion that I absolutely hate the way I look..

This got me thinking about why so many people are so consumed by the way we look and how exactly these thoughts affect our lives day in, day out.

So I bought a book, when I came in with the Easons bag everyone in the house just let out a sigh and the obligatory eye roll followed closely by the "what you buy in Easons today" line but I don't care I'll be the first to admit it I absolutely love buying books they are a guilty pleasure and the way I see it it's not as if I'm spending the money on food so its a gain to my library and a loss to my waist hurray!!! 

The book I bought this time is all about helping a person to feel beautiful and I bought it with the blog in mind because I'm going to read it and any bits I find useful I'll incorporate them into the blog! 

The word "body image" is something that has been plastered across many newspaper headlines and glossy magazine covers in the last couple of years and even more so lately it seems that every time I walk up to the magazine stand in a shop it's pictures of celebrities with bikini bodies that are simply amazing or then on the other scale it's some poor unsuspecting celebrity who may have overindulged on their holiday, like us all and they're photographed with their bikini sewn into them and horrible headlines being written about them, and if it's not the bikini photo opportunity its the slim celebrity standing beside their old larger self in the form of a cardboard cutout telling the world how they lost four or five stone in a  few weeks and with very little effort being required (oh please pull the other one celebrities- it takes a lot of sweat, a lot of tears and sacrifices to lose weight don't sugar coat it making it out to be easy, I've bought the celebrity fitness DVD'S thinking I too could achieve their quick fix and while they're just showing a hint of sweat on their forehead I'm thrown on the ground, red faced, sweat pumping and barely able to breath- not the best look and definitely a note to confine the workout to the comfort to my own home!!)

When we were young we would see body image being portrayed in the form of cartoon characters, the beautiful character was always, slim, always a miss goody two shoes, with the perfect hair, face, body and features, she was usually a princess or had a good career then on the other end of the scale was the villain, usually a short, stumpy, grumpy, mean person with a big nose, bulging eyes, warts and a very ugly personality. In the films it was usually beautiful woman and dashing, handsome men who ruled the day and brought world peace to proceedings while villains were ugly and disfigured and usually ended up going to jail or dying- what does this say to us about body image???

                                                

On the left we have Snow White, a young, beautiful woman who ends up being rescued by the handsome prince and on the right we have the witch, a woman who if full of warts, who is big and ends up being destroyed- which one would you prefer to be? 

Body Image has always played a huge part in our lives even in Early Childhood! 

Then came the era of the Barbie, aah Barbie, the perfect woman, the slim face, perfect blue eyes, long, glossy hair that never looked frizzy or tangled, she had the perfect eyelashes and eye brows, a rock hard torso, the perfect belly button, slim, tight arms a pert bottom and boobs, slim, long legs and her clothes always looked so well on her (yes I know she was a doll but she had a massive impact on the way women felt about themselves so much so that one woman spend thousands of euros on twenty operations, yes you heard right TWENTY operations to look like a life size barbie!!!) I believe that if barbie, this fictional character was indeed a real woman she would in fact be in hospital with severe malnourishment and all kinds of vitamin defencies (then again am I only trying to make myself feel better? who knows!)  Why wouldn't we at the age of 7 or 8 think that Barbie was the best thing since sliced bread, every television ad she was in she was either speeding around in a convertible with her friends and her cute little dog, out shopping buying anything she wanted, obviously not having to consider the financial impact of her spending spree (once again I realize I'm talking about a doll- don't worry I haven't lost the plot!), and when she wasn't shopping or racing in the convertible she was out and about with Ken, her little man friend, who was just a little too cool for school for my liking but Barbie was fond of him and lets face it who would of argued with Barbie? Not one.. Why?.. She was a perfect character who hadn't one flaw and in turn was full of confidence and a force to be reckoned with! 

• Body Image refers to "the way you see yourself and imagine how you look".

By having a positive body image means that, most of the time, you see yourself accurately, you feel comfortable in your own body and you feel good and content about the way you  look.

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• It is very common to struggle with body image no matter who you are and especially in this day and age when there is so much emphasis placed on the way we look, trends and fashion. 
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• By having a negative body image is not good and it can lead to serious eating and exercise disorders.
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We all have a body image. We all have feelings about the way we look. And we have ideas and feelings about how others think about our looks. Your overall body image can range from very positive to very negative. You may feel good about certain parts of your body or the way you look and not as good about others — that’s completely normal!

The next question I want you to answer is this- Do you think you have body image anxieties? 

The following are some questions I found to help you answer this question:

• Do you spend a lot of time focused on one particular aspect of your appearance such as your flabby stomach or big legs?
• Do you feel that part of your body is flawed in some way and that body piece needs to change in order for you to become more accepted e.g. "I need to do sit up's to tone my flabby stomach" or "Squats would help do tone my big thighs and wobbly legs" 
• Do you try to hide the flaw or do you think about constant ways to improve on the flaw?
• Do other people around you try to reassure you that you look fine despite it being very hard for you to see their point of view
• Have you considered surgery to try and fix this flaw?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions please don't worry I know I said yes to every single one of these, I think it's important to know that there's not one person who doesn't care about how they look and if they say they don't I think they're telling a little white lie!! 

Looking after our bodies is a key part of feeling good about ourselves in terms of our emotional and physical health. There are certain times in people's lives when they feel insecure about their bodies and the way they look, this could be after having a baby or if you've recently put on or lost a load of weight, my point is there is always one stage in a person's life when they're not completely happy with the way they look and that's ok however the problem comes when the insecurity of how we look becomes a permanent fixture and takes up every waking moment of your day, this is not a good situation to find ourselves in and being 100% honest this is the situation I find myself in.

By having negative image can inspire distorted perceptions of how shape, size and the way in which we accept ourselves both how we see ourselves and how the people around us see ourselves. 

I personally see my flaws as a sign that I have failed in life, making me unhappy in my own life and I often tell myself that "I'd be so much happier if I was thin" or "If I was thin things would be different" 

For me I can see myself as having many flaws and it is so hard to actually sit down and just name one or two because I feel there is nothing that I can pick as a positive, yet when I look at others I can see so many positives and reasons why they should be happy within themselves. I looked it up on the internet and some common areas that people with body images tend to focus on are: 

• Facial Features such as our nose, eyes, teeth, hairs, ears, mouth or lips
• The shape of our face
• Our weight, whether we feel too big or too small
• Believing we're too flabby, too toned in a certain area and not toned enough in another area
• Our Skin can get us down whether it be us having acne, moles, skin tags, wrinkles, stretch marks 
• We might feel or hair is too thin or too thick or we might have excess hair on our face or body
• We might zone in on one or more areas of our bodies we're not happy about such as our stomach, legs, arms, bum, thighs, feet, our neck, our face, our foreheads, having scars somewhere on our body and face the possibilities are endless and vary from person to person
• Some of might even be conscious about our height believing we're too tall or too small.

By having pre-occupations with our body image it can impact massively on our day-to-day living, it takes up an awful lot of time and it tends to have a negative impact on our family, social and romantic relationships, personally I know I avoid going out on night outs and even to the cinema, concerts, going to see friends or shopping because I feel so self-conscious about being seen out in public, I never feel I look nice enough to go anywhere and when I do go I constantly find myself comparing myself to others and thinking that everyone is talking about me, a few weeks ago I made a conscious decision to try and nip this in the bud I promised myself that I would try and stop thinking this way and stop comparing myself to other however, I found this very hard and even when I did stop the thoughts and was patting myself on the back I realised I was comparing myself to others even without me consciously knowing it!! 

I compare myself to everyone around me and this makes me feel very insecure being around other people, worrying about my self-image distracts me from the outside world, it stops me from starting new relationships because I am so scared about being judged or laughed at, I abstain from talking about the way I feel because if people knew I was thinking about the way I look a lot of the time they would think I was a vain, self-absorbed b***h, and even if I get a compliment I find it very hard to accept it as I think the person who spoke such kind words about me are only saying it "to be nice" or "to make me feel better about myself", it's such an awful way to be, I know it is yet why do I find it so bloody hard to change?? 

It also impacts my work life, I would love to go to college, I'd love to have a degree yet I'm afraid to go for it because of the fear of rejection or a fear of not being able to go to lectures because I would feel I am not good enough. When at work (I work in childcare) I feel I am not good enough for the job I feel that if I was thinner I would be better able to keep up and be more energetic. By being constantly focused on my physical defects it has resulted in my self-esteem being shattered, my self-worth is basically zilch, and it's not a nice feeling... 

Our childhood beliefs play a massive impact on the way in which we view ourselves now as adults. Above I mentioned Barbie and childhood fictional characters, why wouldn't we believe that these fictional characters had the perfect lives when the beautiful princess always came out on top or Barbie drove the top of the range cars and had a fantastic life. Of course we associate beauty with good and ugly with evil after all isn't this what the fairy tales led us to believe? We walk past shop windows and we see the mannequins on the windows, why wouldn't we believe this is the way we should look, this is the figure we should strive to have when it's what the way the mannequins are or it's the way the models on the catwalk look like, we are put under pressure to look like this, even when it comes to buying clothes plus size is now being advertised as ranging from size 14 to 32, SIZE 14!!!!! Imagine the impact this has on a woman who has gone from size 28 or 26 to a 14, after all her hard work she is still defined as being plus size, this angers me and saddens me instead of feeling proud of what they have achieved, women are still being scrutinized and judged for being size 14.....

When we grow up we accept what we've been told because we know no different, we have no basis for comparison, the beliefs and impressions we have of the world as well as the view we have of ourselves and of others are all formed when we were young. Our beliefs tend to be centered around ideas of self-worth, achievement, acceptance and love-ability, children as young as five now know and recognize the difference between right and wrong and by the age of seven children are able to show dissatisfaction about their bodies- think about that for a second, a seven year old worrying about how they look and how other perceive them. Then come the teenage years and we all know how crappy this can be and it can be just a river of potential insecurities.... 

I often hear people saying that if a person was ever teased about their appearance as a child it stays with them forever, because it may have instigated beliefs that will lead to having a profound effect on your self-esteem as an adult. All it takes is one negative comment, just one to have a haunting effect on a person for many years to come and even though they're only opinions it actually doesn't matter because these opinions can turn into facts in that person's head thus in turn forming the basis of beliefs that we hold of ourselves. 

Our fear of rejection and want to belong fuel our body image anxieties, our appearance can become the focus of our attention if we are under pressure or unhappy in other aspects of our lives, if we are emotionally distressed our body is such an easy target because it's always there but no matter how much we strive for physical satisfaction won't actually fix things for us if we do not deal with the underlying issue, how many times have we lost a bit of weight and thought it would solve all our problems only to find it actually made no difference because something else was making us unhappy that's why its so important that when we are on our weight loss journey that we not only focus on losing weight we also have to look at all aspects of our lives and identify areas that are bringing us down, we need to have calm and tranquility running through all areas of life, that way when we lose weight we can actually enjoy the results of our hard work!! 

Since the day the world began people have strived to be the best they possibly can be and appearance plays a part in this too, people like to look their best and to be honest who can blame them, don't they deserve to want to look good? We are living in a culture that is obsessed with looks so much so that we often forget to look beyond the face and look into the soul and personality of a person, being attractive is not just about looking nice it's as they describe in the x-factor as having "the full package" so if you're an absolutely stunning looking person fair play however it's no good if you're a d**k head so for me attractiveness is not only about the look of a person, it's also their personality, their manner, their style, their body language, their sense of humour and their intelligence. 

In our look obsessed society sometimes these very important aspects of a person are often over looked or seen as not being too important but how many times have we seen someone so attractive and when we got talking to them their physical appearance changes when we get to know them because they're arrogant and self-centered.... same can be said for someone who we thought was average looking they could turn out to be the most beautiful person in the room with their kind nature and fun sense of humour.... 

Never judge a book by it's cover...... 

If your dream of a better life are centered on improving our appearance we will never actually appreciate what we have now and what exactly is happening to us now in the present moment. Our life is not actually being damaged by the way we look but rather by the way we feel about the way we look. 

Recognizing the difference between the way we look compared to the way we think we look is the first step to feeling more beautiful.....

It's not our body's that are holding us back it's actually the way we are feeling about our body that is holding us back.

Our appearance and how we look and feel should not define who we are.....

An exercise I saw which helps someone to feel more beautiful is to write down the reasons why it is you want to feel beautiful, this list can be as long or as short as you want it to be, the length of it doesn't matter however it is important that it is true to you and it is something that you want for YOU!! 

Things that you might want to write down may include you want to be more confident, you want to feel good about yourself or you want to stop feeling that you are not good enough or you want to stop comparing yourself to others, whatever it is it's the reasons why you want to feel beautiful no one else but you, I know that doing this list can be hard but it's important I'm going to do it and when I have it done I'm going to put it somewhere that I can access it easily and whenever I'm struggling with negative thoughts I can refer back to this and remind myself of the reasons why it is that I am distancing myself from them thoughts. 

This list is something new and it is battling with the thoughts and beliefs that we have had for many years, they're not going to disappear over night but they will do hopefully over time! There will be times when I know I will want to just go back to my little " safe haven" of hating myself but I have to push beyond this feeling, look at my list and realise why it is that I am doing this and all the wonderful and fabulous things I am going to gain by feeling good about myself! 

Carrie Bradshaw once said " Don't Forget to fall in love with yourself first" and she also said "Eventually all the pieces fall into place... until then laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason" 

For one woman Miss Carrie Bradshaw was a smart cookie!! 

I'm going to attach a video that is sung by Nicole Scherzinger, its called "Until you love you" I love the song, it's emotional and the lyrics are so true, so very true indeed "Take a look in the mirror you're beautiful"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6HWjCi-wzI

Sorry for the long rant.. it was one of those days...

Once again thank you so much for taking the time to read it and remember I am contactable through e-mail if ye ever need anything...

Make Good Choices,

Little Miss Sunshine

xxxxx

Weigh-in 4...

Hello Everyone,

Hope ye are all enjoying yer weekend and ye all had a very successful week at the scales! 

Well weigh-in number four came and went and if ye read my previous blog ye would of read about how I felt about this week, I felt I had something off however the scales had different news for me... I was up two and a half pound!!! (....major sad face....)

Oh guys I was so upset, at first I have to say it didn't hit me too much, I was so shocked because I really did feel as if I had been so good all week and I was expecting a loss, I had a little chat with a girl who asked did I write down everything I ate, of course I didn't because I'm one of those who would "keep track of it in my head", she said that when she started she wrote everything down that she ate and it helped her so I made an executive decision there and then to write down absolutely everything that passed my lips this week and so far I'm sticking to it and being perfectly honest I feel great writing everything down, I feel really in control and I know that everything I have eaten is written down on my tracker...

I stayed for the meeting on Wednesday and in the meeting every person has a chance to talk about how their week, a part I really enjoy because every week you pick up little hints or tips and it gives you a little boost, I sat on the chair listening to all the other women about how their week went, then I heard my name and my stomach filled with dread, my eyes filled with tears and the words just couldn't really come out, before I knew it the tears were strolling down my face, it was such a blast of realization that I had actually put on 2 and a half pound... I was sitting on the chair crying and in my head all I was thinking was "please stop crying, wait until you get to the car or till you get home just don't do it here", I felt so embarrassed, I am an emotional person but I just wish sometimes I didn't have to be so emotional!  I have to say the support I received was just so encouraging, everybody was so kind and they listened to me even through my blubbering words! 

I would advise anyone who has had a loss, a gain or a maintain to stay for the meeting because it really does help, it gives you a motivation to keep on track for the next week and it's nice to hear everyone's stories as it helps you realise you are not alone and it may only be one little thing someone says but it may make a big difference to you on your weight loss journey! 

I started again as soon as I came out of the meeting Wednesday evening.. I planned my meals for the next day and I knew exactly what I was eating for my breakfast, lunch and dinner.. I meant to take photos of my meals to post them up to the blog but I forgot but I will definitely take photos next week and ye can see my efforts! ( don't be expecting a culinary delight or a five star restaurant presentation, I'm not the best cook on the planet but I have to say anything I've made this week hasn't tasted half bad at all!) 

This week it would of been so easy for me to just go into the shop and buy all around me and have a fine feed of crappy and fatty foods but I came out of the meeting with determination and I decided to remain positive, it wasn't easy after two weeks of gains on the scales but I knew if I stopped now I'd only feel worse about myself and i would probably go up another dress size if not two.....

In times when we feel down or fed up and we feel as if everything around us is going against us we have to think about all the positive things we have going for us in our lives, let the positive thoughts dominate our attitudes, let go of the negatives, focus on what exactly we want, stay focused on the goals and stop at nothing to achieve the goals...

Make a list of all the positive things in our lives.. it can be something as small as having nice eyes or maybe it might be our families, partners, friends, children, our jobs, house, car, whatever it is write it down, everyone will have a different list and everyone will have different reasons for why something makes them happy, it doesn't matter what the reason is, the fact is that it makes you happy.... The list will be a good exercise to carry out, it will develop us as an individual as well as allowing us to see the bigger picture in relation to our weight loss. 

For me I know that by being over weight it seems to dominate my whole life, everything revolves around my weight (and I mean EVERYTHING!!!, this is not good, I know it's not good yet I can't stop it from determining what I do on a daily basis) I can't seem to be able to think about anything without it revolving around my weight and size, I feel like everyone is talking about me and how I look and all that does is dent my confidence even more and sink my self-esteem even lower..

I remember once telling someone that I felt so conscious being seen out in public, so much so that I would avoid all social situations if I could, the person turned to me and with a smile on her face she said "you know people don't care about how you feel or look they are all so busy with their own lives they have hardly time to look at yours", at the time I thought it was a bit harsh but I never forgot the words she said and looking back on them now that girl was right really, everyone is so busy keeping up with their own lives that they really probably don't even notice that I put on 2.5 pounds!! It still doesn't stop me from thinking that people are taking about the colossal size that I am and how I've really let myself go..

Something that I need to do is stop thinking about what others are thinking about me, I can not see into people's thoughts (although sometimes I would love to have that super power- some people are really confusing!), I can not project or implant the thoughts I have about myself into people's minds, I need to stop thinking that I know what people think about me, it's a pure waste of time and emotions... 

To stop this I have to switch off the negative thoughts I have about myself, this is a process I am going to find extremely difficult because I am so many years bringing myself down that it is second nature to me now, so I will find it very hard but I am going to give it a go and see how I get on. If anyone reading this feels the same please try to do the same we won't stop the negative thoughts overnight but if we take each day as it comes and take it one step at a time hopefully we can try and turn the negative thoughts we have about ourselves into positive ones! (We can do it and we will do it *punches fist in the air*) 

Our ability to stay positive can be influenced by the people that we are with everyday therefore do yourself a favour and surround yourself with people that are fun, motivating, positive and people who want to see you suceed.. by surrounding ourselves with positivity it means the positive attitude rubs off on us! 

We need to believe in ourselves, this is so important, I was looking at Britain's got Talent tonight and I saw Simon Cowell, he is a man who has no specific talent, he can't act, sing or dance or anything like that but he doesn't need to possess any of those skills and do you know why? Because Simon Cowell is a man who has a great sense of self-identity and he believes in himself, he knows that he can achieve anything that he puts his mind to.. so we need to take a leaf out of Simon's book (maybe a small leaf- baby steps at first-we'll build on ourselves when we find our feet!) and we need to believe in ourselves and in our ability to achieve what it is we set out to achieve. 

Having faith and belief in ourselves is something that each and every single one of us has the power to choose and when we do begin to believe in ourselves I have a feeling our lives will change majorly for the better! 

Please do not push away things that you want to achieve now because you don't feel comfortable with how you look or how you feel about yourself... This is something I do all the time, so many times all throughout my life my weight has stopped me from doing things such as going to the teenage discos in my teenage days, going swimming, going to the cinema, going to dinner, going to gym, going to concerts, going to stay with friends, going to college, going out on nights out,  there's so much I'd actually be here all night listing them all off! My weight has essentially put my life on hold because I am so ashamed and afraid of being judged or talked about.

Fear is a very powerful emotion, one that can either be a help or a hindrance, it can make or break you, unfortunately in my case I let it break me but now I need to try and see past the fear and try to seize the day. Fear is a natural thing and at some stage in life fear is felt by every single one of us however it should only be a short term emotion, it should come and go and it should NEVER EVER hold us back and stop us from fulfilling our dreams, therefore I am going to try and banish fear from my life and I hope that by doing this my life will be different as a result of the change in my attitude! 

I've mentioned in several of my blog posts about setting goals for ourselves, if you haven't already done this why not get a pen and paper now and jot down a few goals? Ones that are important to you and ones that you want to achieve for yourself and no one else.. Make the goals realistic and try not to have every goal focusing on weight loss, look at your life as a whole, maybe there's a place you have wanted to visit for months or there might be a handbag that you've had your eye on for ages or maybe there's a course you've been interested in doing whatever it is write it down, if you don't want to write it down a vision board might be a good thing to do- this is basically just sticking pictures to a sheet- not just any pictures though, they have to be pictures that you would like to see yourself achieving (remember to be realistic, the last time I did a vision board I had a mansion, a cameo on the kardashians, a wardrobe full of Michael Kors handbags as some of my visions, to say they were realistic is just a tad bit too much but I did like to dream of all the handbags!!)

If you feel a vision board is too much effort there's great power in visualization- visualize what it is you would like to achieve, there's so many ways of setting goals there really is no excuse to not make any!!! 

Remember don't be too hard on yourself.... there will be days when you stray off plan, that's ok, don't dwell on them and please don't let one bad day turn into a bad week, trust me you will regret it, take it for what it is- a bad day, recognize it, acknowledge it and then  move on from it. There will be times when we get knocked to the ground but the important thing is that we never give up the fight and we get back up and continue our journey.

"The Only Limits in Life Are The Ones You Make"

Have a good week, 

Make Good Choices,

Little Miss Sunshine

xxxx

It's a New Dawn... New Day...

The Ocean-soo pretty!!!

Hi Guys,

Soooo it's the night before weigh-in number four, (I know the weeks are fricking flying!!)

I feel positive, although I felt the same way last week and had a gain so I'm kinda nervous about this week now, I stayed on plan, however, I did feel my motivation lacking slightly at the weekend, I felt like throwing in the towel, I didn't feel 100% and all I wanted to do was lie on the couch with some nice munchies, sweet treats and a bunch of DVD's!! I did lie on the couch and I did binge on re-runs of Keeping up with the Kardashians and Friends (Don't judge me- I love the Kardashians, they're so bad they're good- I'd watch them 24/7 if I could!) but that's as far as the binging went there was not a sign of any sweets or chocolate in sight so I was proud of myself for that (claps all round for Little Miss Sunshine!!)

While I was taking time out I did think of the reasons why I want to lose weight, I was so close to just giving up and I didn't even realise it, well I did but I'm stubborn so I didn't want to admit to it! (damn stubbornness is a curse at times and it's definitely on my list of things to change!), it took a little pep talk from my mother for me to realise that yeah I am lacking motivation and really and truly I can not afford to lose motivation so early on in my Weight Loss Journey...

I thought about the reasons why I want to lose weight, I have written them down so many times before so this time I wasn't going to write them down instead I just thought about them, I'll admit I got a bit teary, for anyone that knows me this isn't out of the ordinary I'm an emotional kinda girl, I was an emotional wreck during Saturday night's Britain's got Talent and even on Saturday I was watching a football match, the Liverpool match to be precise (not my choice!), I found myself welling up watching Steven Gerrard taking the lap of honour on the pitch for his last ever game at Anfield, this is a man I never met and never will but it didn't stop me from feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion for him and his family as he said goodbye to such a big part of his life, a part of his life that was a constant fixture for him for many years.... I know EMOTIONAL MESS!!!!

This got me thinking.....

I got a light bulb moment so to speak, the reason I am losing motivation is because I don't actually know what my life will be like being skinny,.. I am all my life being heavy, I don't actually know what it feels like to be skinny, to look skinny and this frightens the hell out of me, it's the fear of the unknown....

The easiest thing in the world would be for me to hide away right now and pretend to slim but secretly binge on food, it would be so much easier for me to say "I'll think about it tomorrow" or "I'm too tired today to deal with this", it would be so much easier for me to just hide away and not face up to things...

I'm fed up of every Sunday night lying in bed saying "Well tomorrows Monday I'm going to start tomorrow" 

When it comes to me and diets I find myself talking more about the diet and what I'm going to do rather than actually doing it! I'm great at planning, if I lost a pound for every time I planned what I was going to do I'd be a skinny mini now without a doubt!

Therefore I need to change this pronto!! 

So I made a plan (I know, I know I'm trying to steer away from the plan but this is a plan that I'm going to actually carry out!)

The first thing I need to do is change my attitude towards dieting- I'm not going to even use that word anymore, as far as I'm concerned the word "diet" does not exist in my dictionary, no if I want to change I have to do more than diet I have to change my whole attitude towards food, and exercise.

I am not embarking on a diet I am overhauling my whole lifestyle, a complete turnaround, gone are the days of wanting to lose half a stone in a week, a dress size in two weeks...

I'm welcoming in my new mantra of:

"one day at a time, one pound at a time"

I need to realise that my attitude change has to be a life long thing, it's not a quick fix, its not going to happen overnight, it's not going to be easy but anything that is ever worth it in life never comes easy...

I have a terrible habit of comparing myself to others, wishing I looked like them or I had their figure, this is something that just comes naturally to me and I find it very hard to not do it however I am going to try really hard to detach myself from the constant comparing myself to others and I am going to try and focus on what I have myself and find ways to change my flaws, I'll stop at nothing to turn them negatives into positive (I feel it's going to be an emotional roller coaster- note to self stock up on the Kleenex!) Remember that the only person you should try and be better than is the person you were yesterday, please love yourself for being you, accept that there will be days when life throws you a pile of crap to deal with, don't crumble, embrace the challenges, face your challenges in the face and say "I can do this nothing is going to get in my way" 

I heard this saying once "You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore", now is my time to start crossing the ocean, bit by bit I'm not going to get over it straight away but that's ok, I'm prepared to work hard each and every day to stay on track and every day I am going to use my mantra:"one day at a time, one pound at a time" and while I'm in that ocean I will keep swimming till I get all the way across and when I get there I will have a huge grin on my face and I'll take great pride in waving goodbye to the old me on the shore!!

We can do it and hell if it takes a few years we will do it!!!!!!

I have printed up loads of recipes today so I am going to start cooking I'll make sure to keep ye updated on how that goes (I'm no Nigella Lawson so it could be a bit of a disaster but new me and I have to start doing something I never did before and cooking is one of those things!)

As I type I have the television on in the background and it's a sign an advertisement just came on for the Irish Open and what was the song in the background? Only "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me and I'm feeling good" (Did ye just sing that in your head? Yes! Snap, me too!!) Anyways it's a sign it has to be so Tuesday the 19th of May is our new dawn, our new day, our new life, grab it with both hands everyone and make it a good one!!

Thanks for reading I hope ye enjoy it and remember I'm always here on e-mail if ye feel like a rant, heaven knows this weekend I could of done with one!!!

Stay Strong,

Little Miss Sunshine 
xxxx

Weigh-In 3...

Hi Everyone,

I hope ye are all doing well since I was talking to ye last…

So weigh-in three came and went and I am so disappointed to say I was up a pound, I was really upset by the result, I had worked hard all week and to make matters worse I actually felt lighter and people had mentioned to me that I looked lighter too so I had a spark in my belly walking into the GAA centre on Wednesday evening but the spark soon went when I stood up on the scales and saw the number that was in front of me!

I sat down on for my meeting with my cup of coffee, I was tired, hungry, surprised, disappointed, I was just a mixture of emotions, I kind of drifted off into my own little world for a few seconds, looking up at others getting up on the scales and you would know the people who had a loss straight away, it was all in their facial expressions, although I felt such a sense of disappointment I was glad for the people who had a loss after their week because they obviously had put the work in and they deserved to see a positive result on the scale…

Despite my gain I stayed for the meeting and I am so glad I did, listening to the other girls gave me a bit of my spark back and even just talking about my own gain helped me to realise that I had not followed the plan right during the week so at least I had an explanation as to why I had a gain, which I was glad for because it made me feel that I was not completely unable to lose weight and it taught me that I need to really research things better and make sure that I understand a plan fully before I embark on it! 

With every negative comes a positive…

On the way home in the car I was thinking of the blog and how I was going to tell everyone that I had a gain, I felt that I had let people down in some way and I felt a sense of shame and regret that I had not worked harder to make the number on the scales less than last week.

A question also popped into my head, it’s not a scientific question or a question that has a universal answer, it is a question that does require each individual to answer themselves, it’s a question that sounds very simple but I think when you start to think about it, it can be a bit confusing and emotionally draining!

The question is “can you be overweight and happy?”

Driving home I thought about this and I just looked at my own situation. I am a big girl, there’s no denying that, I know I’m heavy and I know I’m morbidly obese, the number on the scales can back me up on that one (I’m all for having friends supporting you but one friend I don’t want to rely on is the number on the scales so I’m sorting out that number sooner rather than later!).

I have been big all my life really and I have been told numerous times “I’m a fine strong girl” or “I was tall” or the age old classic of having a “very bubbly personality”, don’t get me wrong I like that people think I’m bubbly and I do try to be a happy go lucky person with a glass half full personality, but sometimes the word “bubbly” is the last emotion in the world I would use to describe how I feel, sometimes I look in the mirror and I think “am I genuinely 100% happy with myself or am I putting on an act?”.

When I’m out and about I find myself zoning in on the heavier people and wondering are they happy or are they putting on an act, I never find out the answer as it is up to each person themselves to answer the question as they are the only ones who actually know how they feel themselves, but I sometimes find myself thinking that they may not be, I sort of hope that they aren’t content because at least then I know I am not alone or I am not weird for feeling like I have to put on an act to be happy with my size.

She looks great!! *claps for Dawn*

Personally, I find it very hard to believe that being overweight can make people feel content within themselves… that is my own personal opinion and I am not answering for everyone when I say that as I know everyone feels different, I have seen so many people who have being overweight and said they were happy, celebrities being a prime example, and then they lose the weight and they are on the front of magazine covers saying that they weren’t really happy with how they felt about themselves, celebrities that stick out in my mind as I write this are Dawn French, Coleen Nolan and Fearne Britton, these women are all in the entertainment business and each and every single one of them are successful in their own right and their happiness when they lost the weight shone through in the way they looked, not only did they look great physically but you could see they were happy in themselves, their smile and glow said more than and size dress ever could!

My bubbly personality has become my mask, it’s now my safety guard, when I feel uncomfortable in a situation or I feel very self-conscious I  tend to smile or laugh as it’s so much easier to smile and look happy than to admit exactly how down and fed up I am with how I look... 

When I go out anywhere I have outfits that I can “hide” in, not that I go out much because I am just too ashamed at how I have let myself go and I feel like such a whale anywhere I go, I get nervous, I sweat, I feel like crying I just feel like the ugliest person in the world. Having to constantly hide my figure is so draining and it does take its toll, in terms of my physical, mental, emotional and social well-being especially my confidence and self-esteem, at this moment in time my confidence and self-esteem is at an all-time low, I feel very insecure about myself on a daily basis, I am constantly worrying about how others perceive me, I believe that people think I am physically unattractive, that they are constantly talking about me and commenting on my weight and I feel very uncomfortable about being seen in public, one of my goals is to try and improve on this bit by bit and one day I hope to be able to go shopping or go to the cinema without feeling like I shouldn't be there or everyone is talking about how big I am.

I am very good at putting on a show for others, I look in the mirror sometimes and I don’t recognise who I’m looking at, I hate looking at myself so much so that I would try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror (it explains why my hair looks like I got electrocuted half the time!!) even when putting on make-up I found a way to do it without actually having to look at myself it’s hard to explain, it was if my brain could just put on the make up without having to register the reflection in the mirror but now I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to stay the way I am, I am done trying to convince myself that I am happy being overweight.

Each and every single one of us owe it to ourselves to be happy, truly happy and we deserve to live the best possible life that we can.

We have the power to change, take each day as it comes and embrace each day, not every day is going to be easy, we will have days when we want to scream, cry, eat or just feel like punching someone in the face, it’s important to remember that that’s ok, that’s emotions, they’re normal although they are incredibly inconvenient at times! 

However we have the choice to deal with situations as they arise, I saw on the internet a few weeks ago that the only difference between a good day and a bad day is our own attitude so at some stage, whether it be today, tomorrow, next week, whenever it may be take a look at your attitude and then take a look at situations that are currently causing you stress, or unnecessary angst and pain and see is there a way you can change your attitude towards these situations, if you can come up with a different method of dealing with it maybe try that and see how it goes!! Good Luck with it… I hope you can get a balance…

Through this time of change it is important to think of those around us, sometimes it is the people who we are closest to and the people that we love the most that actually can be the worst supporters of our change because they find it very hard to get used to the new person we are trying to become, they are so used to us being a certain way that it can be hard for them to understand why exactly it is we want to lose weight and especially if like me you were always so happy and content by hiding behind your “mask”, it can be confusing for them to think that we were not happy with the way we were and the phrases such as “Shure aren’t you grand the way you are” or “why would you want to go losing weight”, it is times like this that you really have to trust the voice within and remind yourself that your decision to lose weight is for yourself and it is about doing what is right for you. 

For me, I know that I have lost weight before, just over four stone and I know I never took full advantage of that weight loss, I think I just felt it wasn’t a great achievement at the time  and in the end I put the weight all back on along with a few more stone and I wish now that I could go back and see myself then, bottle up how good I felt and looked, unfortunately there’s no time machine that can do that (seriously I think a time machine should be higher on a scientists to-do list!!)

But I can go back to that time, not using a time machine or point my finger like Sabrina the Teenage Witch and have my wishes appear at the speed of light, I have to go the old-fashioned route of plain hard work, I want to do it though because at the moment I do not like how I look, my weight certainly does not make me feel good about myself and I am not happy with being overweight. I don’t want to spend any more years of my life feeling like crap, trying to cover up everything, being constantly worried about people looking at me and wondering what they are thinking about me.

I know that there is not a better time than right now to change.

One of my goals in the future is to be able to go out in public, stand tall, wear what I want to wear and feel good about myself… I know that this goal is a long way off but it’s one of my goals and as the saying goes “If you can dream it, you can achieve it”

I would be very interested in knowing if you too feel the same as me or do you feel different??

Everyone is different, everyone has different weights, body shapes, personalities and opinions however we all have one common goal and that is to make that number on the scale smaller week by week and we can do it, let the sunshine in and shine bright like a diamond… (I bet some of ye started to sing Rihanna after seeing that line haha)

Take it one day at a time…

One pound at a time…

Remember if ye need to vent or feel down or anything ye can contact me on my e-mail address, I’m always here.

Happy Slimming,

Little Miss Sunshine

Xx

Weigh- in 2..

Hi Everyone,

Hope ye are all having a great week and ye are all achieving what ye set out to do...

Wednesday wasn't long coming around.. maybe it was the bank holiday or the stresses of handing up projects but the week absolutely flew by- whether that's a good or a bad thing I'm not too sure!!

Weigh-in number two was good...

I lost one and a half pound.... 

I was happy, I mean a loss is a loss and it is going in the right direction, however, I can't help but feel a little disappointed, I know some people might find this a little hard to believe but I just felt I had lost more... I don't know if anyone else ever felt the same way, I mean I should be happy and don't get me wrong I am but I want to really focus this week and this day next week I want to see a big loss...

To achieve this big loss I have decided to do out a timetable of the food I am going to eat every day for the next seven days, by doing this it means I don't have those moments of gazing into the fridge wondering "what will I eat now" or "what have we to eat" so that's the first thing I am going to look into doing..

As the saying goes "Proper Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance"...

The next thing I am going to do is set out my goals- short, medium and long term goals- I was meant to do this last weekend but with everything I never got around to it but I'm definitely going to it this weekend, this will help me stay focused and help me zone in on what exactly it is I want to achieve... 

Just a quick note to anyone who is struggling at the moment, it may not be regarding weight loss it could be just life in general, never feel alone, although sometimes everything seems so dark and it can feel like no one around knows how you feel, trust me someone does, everyone goes through times of stress, strain, struggle and believe me it does get better. We are all bright lights in this world, our glow can travel and make a difference, Let your glow be seen do something this week that makes you feel better about yourself- paint your nails, go for a walk, read a book, maybe visit a friend, or do something you have been putting off for a while, take a look within and find the courage to do the thing you have been putting off.. 

We were all born to be great, we are unique and without this uniqueness we would be living in a very dull world indeed! 

Have a great week and remember don't let any son of a b***h ever dull your Sparkle!!! 

Stay Strong,

Little Miss Sunshine xxx

Make a change.... Today

It's Sunday, the sun has gone and we're back to the rain.. 

The rain has a tendency to make us want to sit down and not do too much except of course comfort eat!! 

That's how i feel today.. All I want to do is eat and watch television, now I know I can do that if I want but what is the point? Who am I fooling only myself- by eating today I'm only prolonging the process of being unhappy with who I am..

Normally I wouldn't hesitate in going and getting sweets and chocolate but not today, today I'm taking control, I'm going to follow my plan and I will see the results on Wednesday at weigh-in!! 

I'm taking this Dull and Dreary Sunday and I'm using it as a day to turn things around.. 

We can all do it.. 

One step at a time.. 

One pound at a time..

You have the power to achieve great things.. 

Go out, be great and make good choices!! 

Happy Sunday,

Little Miss Sunshine xx

New Beginnings....

Hi Everyone!

I am setting up this blog as I feel it would be a good way to help me on my Weight Loss Journey, I want to lose weight, I want to be a slimmer, happier girl, I know that there are thousands out there who feel like me, it's hard being bigger than everyone else , it does have an impact on daily life, it can stop us from doing simple things like spending time with our friends because we feel embarrassed that they have to be seen with us or going clothes shopping or sitting in a restaurant because you're afraid that the people around you are looking and judging you for eating!

I want this to stop, I've had enough of being the big girl, 2015 is my time to shine, it's my time to show the world and more importantly myself that I can do this, I can be strong, I can change my life around.

I know that the first step to getting anywhere is deciding and knowing that I'm not willing to stay where I currently am! 

This week I did that I made a change I joined back into my Slimming World Group after taking a few weeks off because "I thought I could do it myself" (not the first time I said it but definitely the last!!), truth be told I can't do it myself,  I need support, I need that weigh-in every week to keep me on focus and I need that little push to say "Don't give up" and ultimately that's why I want to set up this blog, I want to help people who feel the same as I do to know that they are not alone, no one is perfect, there is no quick fix for weight loss, trust me I've tried every diet under the sun, from shakes to low-carb diets, from appetite suppressants to plain old fashioned starvation, it doesn't work!! There is only one solution and that is to eat less and move more! 

Over the coming weeks not only do I hope to go through some diet tips and recipes, I also hope to post daily motivational sayings and quotes, I feel this will keep us focused and feel more determined to stay on track. I know myself that it's not only our appearance that changes as a result of weight gain, it also has a huge impact on our mental and emotional well-being therefore I am going to go through simple exercises that will help us to re-train the way we think and feel about ourselves, I think this is just as important as what we eat and what exercise we do because let's face it if we are not happy, we don't have any motivation to do anything, all we want to do is eat and it's a vicious circle- we eat, we gain weight, if we gain weight we become more fed up and we eat again because we think it will give us comfort, it will never change unless we change the way we think and that is exactly what we are going to do, I heard this saying a while back and it applies to me and I'm sure to many other people too! It said "The Biggest Wall you've gotta climb is the one you build in your mind" so today, the 25th of April, we're knocking down that wall (the image of Miley Cyrus knocking the wall with the sledgehammer in the "Wrecking Ball" video springs to mind!). Today we are going to stop waiting for things to happen for us, instead we are going to go out and make them happen!!

Every Day from here on in I want to wake up with determination and go to bed with satisfaction, satisfaction in the knowledge that I am making a change, I am taking control and I am making a positive changes in the way I feel about myself, in the way I eat and the way I exercise.

Best of Luck Everyone,

Stay Strong,

Little Miss Sunshine 
xx