It's a New Dawn... New Day...

The Ocean-soo pretty!!!

Hi Guys,

Soooo it's the night before weigh-in number four, (I know the weeks are fricking flying!!)

I feel positive, although I felt the same way last week and had a gain so I'm kinda nervous about this week now, I stayed on plan, however, I did feel my motivation lacking slightly at the weekend, I felt like throwing in the towel, I didn't feel 100% and all I wanted to do was lie on the couch with some nice munchies, sweet treats and a bunch of DVD's!! I did lie on the couch and I did binge on re-runs of Keeping up with the Kardashians and Friends (Don't judge me- I love the Kardashians, they're so bad they're good- I'd watch them 24/7 if I could!) but that's as far as the binging went there was not a sign of any sweets or chocolate in sight so I was proud of myself for that (claps all round for Little Miss Sunshine!!)

While I was taking time out I did think of the reasons why I want to lose weight, I was so close to just giving up and I didn't even realise it, well I did but I'm stubborn so I didn't want to admit to it! (damn stubbornness is a curse at times and it's definitely on my list of things to change!), it took a little pep talk from my mother for me to realise that yeah I am lacking motivation and really and truly I can not afford to lose motivation so early on in my Weight Loss Journey...

I thought about the reasons why I want to lose weight, I have written them down so many times before so this time I wasn't going to write them down instead I just thought about them, I'll admit I got a bit teary, for anyone that knows me this isn't out of the ordinary I'm an emotional kinda girl, I was an emotional wreck during Saturday night's Britain's got Talent and even on Saturday I was watching a football match, the Liverpool match to be precise (not my choice!), I found myself welling up watching Steven Gerrard taking the lap of honour on the pitch for his last ever game at Anfield, this is a man I never met and never will but it didn't stop me from feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion for him and his family as he said goodbye to such a big part of his life, a part of his life that was a constant fixture for him for many years.... I know EMOTIONAL MESS!!!!

This got me thinking.....

I got a light bulb moment so to speak, the reason I am losing motivation is because I don't actually know what my life will be like being skinny,.. I am all my life being heavy, I don't actually know what it feels like to be skinny, to look skinny and this frightens the hell out of me, it's the fear of the unknown....

The easiest thing in the world would be for me to hide away right now and pretend to slim but secretly binge on food, it would be so much easier for me to say "I'll think about it tomorrow" or "I'm too tired today to deal with this", it would be so much easier for me to just hide away and not face up to things...

I'm fed up of every Sunday night lying in bed saying "Well tomorrows Monday I'm going to start tomorrow" 

When it comes to me and diets I find myself talking more about the diet and what I'm going to do rather than actually doing it! I'm great at planning, if I lost a pound for every time I planned what I was going to do I'd be a skinny mini now without a doubt!

Therefore I need to change this pronto!! 

So I made a plan (I know, I know I'm trying to steer away from the plan but this is a plan that I'm going to actually carry out!)

The first thing I need to do is change my attitude towards dieting- I'm not going to even use that word anymore, as far as I'm concerned the word "diet" does not exist in my dictionary, no if I want to change I have to do more than diet I have to change my whole attitude towards food, and exercise.

I am not embarking on a diet I am overhauling my whole lifestyle, a complete turnaround, gone are the days of wanting to lose half a stone in a week, a dress size in two weeks...

I'm welcoming in my new mantra of:

"one day at a time, one pound at a time"

I need to realise that my attitude change has to be a life long thing, it's not a quick fix, its not going to happen overnight, it's not going to be easy but anything that is ever worth it in life never comes easy...

I have a terrible habit of comparing myself to others, wishing I looked like them or I had their figure, this is something that just comes naturally to me and I find it very hard to not do it however I am going to try really hard to detach myself from the constant comparing myself to others and I am going to try and focus on what I have myself and find ways to change my flaws, I'll stop at nothing to turn them negatives into positive (I feel it's going to be an emotional roller coaster- note to self stock up on the Kleenex!) Remember that the only person you should try and be better than is the person you were yesterday, please love yourself for being you, accept that there will be days when life throws you a pile of crap to deal with, don't crumble, embrace the challenges, face your challenges in the face and say "I can do this nothing is going to get in my way" 

I heard this saying once "You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore", now is my time to start crossing the ocean, bit by bit I'm not going to get over it straight away but that's ok, I'm prepared to work hard each and every day to stay on track and every day I am going to use my mantra:"one day at a time, one pound at a time" and while I'm in that ocean I will keep swimming till I get all the way across and when I get there I will have a huge grin on my face and I'll take great pride in waving goodbye to the old me on the shore!!

We can do it and hell if it takes a few years we will do it!!!!!!

I have printed up loads of recipes today so I am going to start cooking I'll make sure to keep ye updated on how that goes (I'm no Nigella Lawson so it could be a bit of a disaster but new me and I have to start doing something I never did before and cooking is one of those things!)

As I type I have the television on in the background and it's a sign an advertisement just came on for the Irish Open and what was the song in the background? Only "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me and I'm feeling good" (Did ye just sing that in your head? Yes! Snap, me too!!) Anyways it's a sign it has to be so Tuesday the 19th of May is our new dawn, our new day, our new life, grab it with both hands everyone and make it a good one!!

Thanks for reading I hope ye enjoy it and remember I'm always here on e-mail if ye feel like a rant, heaven knows this weekend I could of done with one!!!

Stay Strong,

Little Miss Sunshine 
xxxx