Hi Everyone,
Happy Weekend!
It's so hard to believe the weekend is upon us again, the
time is absolutely flying by it's crazy!!
This week I couldn't weigh-in I was sick in bed with a
double ear infection and chest infection, I would of preferred to be going to
weigh-in on Wednesday, I felt so crappy and all I wanted to do was sleep, food
didn't even enter my mind (I knew I was very sick when I couldn't eat- not even
toast persuaded me to eat- damn cold really had a hold of me!!)
So, this week I'm really conscious of not over-eating and
losing the complete run of myself because usually that's what I tend to do after a dose of a flu or cold, self-pity takes over me and I think I "deserve to have nice things especially after being so sick" but
not anymore!!
I've turned over a new leaf and I want to make sure that it's one
that's here to stay.
Over the last few weeks I've felt really low and not very
optimistic about losing the weight, I've cried, I've ate, I thought about food almost constantly and not the good types of food like apples, oranges and pears oh no I've had cravings for cakes, chocolate and crisps (I don't even like crisps but still craved them WTF!!), I've had sleepless
nights and I've cursed myself several time for ending up the way I have..
I basically just came to the conclusion that I absolutely hate the way I look..
This got me thinking about why so many people are so consumed by the way we look and how exactly these thoughts affect our lives day in, day out.
So I bought a book, when I came in with the Easons bag everyone in the house just let out a sigh and the obligatory eye roll followed closely by the "what you buy in Easons today" line but I don't care I'll be the first to admit it I absolutely love buying books they are a guilty pleasure and the way I see it it's not as if I'm spending the money on food so its a gain to my library and a loss to my waist hurray!!!
The book I bought this time is all about helping a person to feel beautiful and I bought it with the blog in mind because I'm going to read it and any bits I find useful I'll incorporate them into the blog!
The word "body image" is something that has been plastered across many newspaper headlines and glossy magazine covers in the last couple of years and even more so lately it seems that every time I walk up to the magazine stand in a shop it's pictures of celebrities with bikini bodies that are simply amazing or then on the other scale it's some poor unsuspecting celebrity who may have overindulged on their holiday, like us all and they're photographed with their bikini sewn into them and horrible headlines being written about them, and if it's not the bikini photo opportunity its the slim celebrity standing beside their old larger self in the form of a cardboard cutout telling the world how they lost four or five stone in a few weeks and with very little effort being required (oh please pull the other one celebrities- it takes a lot of sweat, a lot of tears and sacrifices to lose weight don't sugar coat it making it out to be easy, I've bought the celebrity fitness DVD'S thinking I too could achieve their quick fix and while they're just showing a hint of sweat on their forehead I'm thrown on the ground, red faced, sweat pumping and barely able to breath- not the best look and definitely a note to confine the workout to the comfort to my own home!!)
When we were young we would see body image being portrayed in the form of cartoon characters, the beautiful character was always, slim, always a miss goody two shoes, with the perfect hair, face, body and features, she was usually a princess or had a good career then on the other end of the scale was the villain, usually a short, stumpy, grumpy, mean person with a big nose, bulging eyes, warts and a very ugly personality. In the films it was usually beautiful woman and dashing, handsome men who ruled the day and brought world peace to proceedings while villains were ugly and disfigured and usually ended up going to jail or dying- what does this say to us about body image???
On the left we have Snow White, a young, beautiful woman who ends up being rescued by the handsome prince and on the right we have the witch, a woman who if full of warts, who is big and ends up being destroyed- which one would you prefer to be?
Body Image has always played a huge part in our lives even in Early Childhood!
Then came the era of the Barbie, aah Barbie, the perfect woman, the slim face, perfect blue eyes, long, glossy hair that never looked frizzy or tangled, she had the perfect eyelashes and eye brows, a rock hard torso, the perfect belly button, slim, tight arms a pert bottom and boobs, slim, long legs and her clothes always looked so well on her (yes I know she was a doll but she had a massive impact on the way women felt about themselves so much so that one woman spend thousands of euros on twenty operations, yes you heard right TWENTY operations to look like a life size barbie!!!) I believe that if barbie, this fictional character was indeed a real woman she would in fact be in hospital with severe malnourishment and all kinds of vitamin defencies (then again am I only trying to make myself feel better? who knows!) Why wouldn't we at the age of 7 or 8 think that Barbie was the best thing since sliced bread, every television ad she was in she was either speeding around in a convertible with her friends and her cute little dog, out shopping buying anything she wanted, obviously not having to consider the financial impact of her spending spree (once again I realize I'm talking about a doll- don't worry I haven't lost the plot!), and when she wasn't shopping or racing in the convertible she was out and about with Ken, her little man friend, who was just a little too cool for school for my liking but Barbie was fond of him and lets face it who would of argued with Barbie? Not one.. Why?.. She was a perfect character who hadn't one flaw and in turn was full of confidence and a force to be reckoned with!
- Body Image refers to "the way you see yourself and imagine how you look".
By having a positive body image means that, most of the time, you see yourself accurately, you feel comfortable in your own body and you feel good and content about the way you look.
- It is very common to struggle with body image no matter who you are and especially in this day and age when there is so much emphasis placed on the way we look, trends and fashion.
- By having a negative body image is not good and it can lead to serious eating and exercise disorders.
We all have a body image. We all have feelings about the way we look. And we have ideas and feelings about how others think about our looks. Your overall body image can range from very positive to very negative. You may feel good about certain parts of your body or the way you look and not as good about others — that’s completely normal!
The next question I want you to answer is this- Do you think you have body image anxieties?
The following are some questions I found to help you answer this question:
- Do you spend a lot of time focused on one particular aspect of your appearance such as your flabby stomach or big legs?
- Do you feel that part of your body is flawed in some way and that body piece needs to change in order for you to become more accepted e.g. "I need to do sit up's to tone my flabby stomach" or "Squats would help do tone my big thighs and wobbly legs"
- Do you try to hide the flaw or do you think about constant ways to improve on the flaw?
- Do other people around you try to reassure you that you look fine despite it being very hard for you to see their point of view
- Have you considered surgery to try and fix this flaw?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions please don't worry I know I said yes to every single one of these, I think it's important to know that there's not one person who doesn't care about how they look and if they say they don't I think they're telling a little white lie!!
Looking after our bodies is a key part of feeling good about ourselves in terms of our emotional and physical health. There are certain times in people's lives when they feel insecure about their bodies and the way they look, this could be after having a baby or if you've recently put on or lost a load of weight, my point is there is always one stage in a person's life when they're not completely happy with the way they look and that's ok however the problem comes when the insecurity of how we look becomes a permanent fixture and takes up every waking moment of your day, this is not a good situation to find ourselves in and being 100% honest this is the situation I find myself in.
By having negative image can inspire distorted perceptions of how shape, size and the way in which we accept ourselves both how we see ourselves and how the people around us see ourselves.
I personally see my flaws as a sign that I have failed in life, making me unhappy in my own life and I often tell myself that "I'd be so much happier if I was thin" or "If I was thin things would be different"
For me I can see myself as having many flaws and it is so hard to actually sit down and just name one or two because I feel there is nothing that I can pick as a positive, yet when I look at others I can see so many positives and reasons why they should be happy within themselves. I looked it up on the internet and some common areas that people with body images tend to focus on are:
- Facial Features such as our nose, eyes, teeth, hairs, ears, mouth or lips
- The shape of our face
- Our weight, whether we feel too big or too small
- Believing we're too flabby, too toned in a certain area and not toned enough in another area
- Our Skin can get us down whether it be us having acne, moles, skin tags, wrinkles, stretch marks
- We might feel or hair is too thin or too thick or we might have excess hair on our face or body
- We might zone in on one or more areas of our bodies we're not happy about such as our stomach, legs, arms, bum, thighs, feet, our neck, our face, our foreheads, having scars somewhere on our body and face the possibilities are endless and vary from person to person
- Some of might even be conscious about our height believing we're too tall or too small.
By having pre-occupations with our body image it can impact massively on our day-to-day living, it takes up an awful lot of time and it tends to have a negative impact on our family, social and romantic relationships, personally I know I avoid going out on night outs and even to the cinema, concerts, going to see friends or shopping because I feel so self-conscious about being seen out in public, I never feel I look nice enough to go anywhere and when I do go I constantly find myself comparing myself to others and thinking that everyone is talking about me, a few weeks ago I made a conscious decision to try and nip this in the bud I promised myself that I would try and stop thinking this way and stop comparing myself to other however, I found this very hard and even when I did stop the thoughts and was patting myself on the back I realised I was comparing myself to others even without me consciously knowing it!!
I compare myself to everyone around me and this makes me feel very insecure being around other people, worrying about my self-image distracts me from the outside world, it stops me from starting new relationships because I am so scared about being judged or laughed at, I abstain from talking about the way I feel because if people knew I was thinking about the way I look a lot of the time they would think I was a vain, self-absorbed b***h, and even if I get a compliment I find it very hard to accept it as I think the person who spoke such kind words about me are only saying it "to be nice" or "to make me feel better about myself", it's such an awful way to be, I know it is yet why do I find it so bloody hard to change??
It also impacts my work life, I would love to go to college, I'd love to have a degree yet I'm afraid to go for it because of the fear of rejection or a fear of not being able to go to lectures because I would feel I am not good enough. When at work (I work in childcare) I feel I am not good enough for the job I feel that if I was thinner I would be better able to keep up and be more energetic. By being constantly focused on my physical defects it has resulted in my self-esteem being shattered, my self-worth is basically zilch, and it's not a nice feeling...
Our childhood beliefs play a massive impact on the way in which we view ourselves now as adults. Above I mentioned Barbie and childhood fictional characters, why wouldn't we believe that these fictional characters had the perfect lives when the beautiful princess always came out on top or Barbie drove the top of the range cars and had a fantastic life. Of course we associate beauty with good and ugly with evil after all isn't this what the fairy tales led us to believe? We walk past shop windows and we see the mannequins on the windows, why wouldn't we believe this is the way we should look, this is the figure we should strive to have when it's what the way the mannequins are or it's the way the models on the catwalk look like, we are put under pressure to look like this, even when it comes to buying clothes plus size is now being advertised as ranging from size 14 to 32, SIZE 14!!!!! Imagine the impact this has on a woman who has gone from size 28 or 26 to a 14, after all her hard work she is still defined as being plus size, this angers me and saddens me instead of feeling proud of what they have achieved, women are still being scrutinized and judged for being size 14.....
When we grow up we accept what we've been told because we know no different, we have no basis for comparison, the beliefs and impressions we have of the world as well as the view we have of ourselves and of others are all formed when we were young. Our beliefs tend to be centered around ideas of self-worth, achievement, acceptance and love-ability, children as young as five now know and recognize the difference between right and wrong and by the age of seven children are able to show dissatisfaction about their bodies- think about that for a second, a seven year old worrying about how they look and how other perceive them. Then come the teenage years and we all know how crappy this can be and it can be just a river of potential insecurities....
I often hear people saying that if a person was ever teased about their appearance as a child it stays with them forever, because it may have instigated beliefs that will lead to having a profound effect on your self-esteem as an adult. All it takes is one negative comment, just one to have a haunting effect on a person for many years to come and even though they're only opinions it actually doesn't matter because these opinions can turn into facts in that person's head thus in turn forming the basis of beliefs that we hold of ourselves.
Our fear of rejection and want to belong fuel our body image anxieties, our appearance can become the focus of our attention if we are under pressure or unhappy in other aspects of our lives, if we are emotionally distressed our body is such an easy target because it's always there but no matter how much we strive for physical satisfaction won't actually fix things for us if we do not deal with the underlying issue, how many times have we lost a bit of weight and thought it would solve all our problems only to find it actually made no difference because something else was making us unhappy that's why its so important that when we are on our weight loss journey that we not only focus on losing weight we also have to look at all aspects of our lives and identify areas that are bringing us down, we need to have calm and tranquility running through all areas of life, that way when we lose weight we can actually enjoy the results of our hard work!!
Since the day the world began people have strived to be the best they possibly can be and appearance plays a part in this too, people like to look their best and to be honest who can blame them, don't they deserve to want to look good? We are living in a culture that is obsessed with looks so much so that we often forget to look beyond the face and look into the soul and personality of a person, being attractive is not just about looking nice it's as they describe in the x-factor as having "the full package" so if you're an absolutely stunning looking person fair play however it's no good if you're a d**k head so for me attractiveness is not only about the look of a person, it's also their personality, their manner, their style, their body language, their sense of humour and their intelligence.
In our look obsessed society sometimes these very important aspects of a person are often over looked or seen as not being too important but how many times have we seen someone so attractive and when we got talking to them their physical appearance changes when we get to know them because they're arrogant and self-centered.... same can be said for someone who we thought was average looking they could turn out to be the most beautiful person in the room with their kind nature and fun sense of humour....
Never judge a book by it's cover......
If your dream of a better life are centered on improving our appearance we will never actually appreciate what we have now and what exactly is happening to us now in the present moment. Our life is not actually being damaged by the way we look but rather by the way we feel about the way we look.
Recognizing the difference between the way we look compared to the way we think we look is the first step to feeling more beautiful.....
It's not our body's that are holding us back it's actually the way we are feeling about our body that is holding us back.
Our appearance and how we look and feel should not define who we are.....
An exercise I saw which helps someone to feel more beautiful is to write down the reasons why it is you want to feel beautiful, this list can be as long or as short as you want it to be, the length of it doesn't matter however it is important that it is true to you and it is something that you want for YOU!!
Things that you might want to write down may include you want to be more confident, you want to feel good about yourself or you want to stop feeling that you are not good enough or you want to stop comparing yourself to others, whatever it is it's the reasons why you want to feel beautiful no one else but you, I know that doing this list can be hard but it's important I'm going to do it and when I have it done I'm going to put it somewhere that I can access it easily and whenever I'm struggling with negative thoughts I can refer back to this and remind myself of the reasons why it is that I am distancing myself from them thoughts.
This list is something new and it is battling with the thoughts and beliefs that we have had for many years, they're not going to disappear over night but they will do hopefully over time! There will be times when I know I will want to just go back to my little " safe haven" of hating myself but I have to push beyond this feeling, look at my list and realise why it is that I am doing this and all the wonderful and fabulous things I am going to gain by feeling good about myself!
Carrie Bradshaw once said " Don't Forget to fall in love with yourself first" and she also said "Eventually all the pieces fall into place... until then laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason"
For one woman Miss Carrie Bradshaw was a smart cookie!!
I'm going to attach a video that is sung by Nicole Scherzinger, its called "Until you love you" I love the song, it's emotional and the lyrics are so true, so very true indeed "Take a look in the mirror you're beautiful"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6HWjCi-wzI
Sorry for the long rant.. it was one of those days...
Once again thank you so much for taking the time to read it and remember I am contactable through e-mail if ye ever need anything...
Make Good Choices,
Little Miss Sunshine
xxxxx
